what is it?

(Quick summary for those like me that don’t like to read – Found a lump below my adams apple, could be nothing, or something.  Surgery coming soon to find out)

So, about a month ago (probably around the 15th of July) I was just minding my own business and stretching when I noticed it.  I was leaning back in my chair at work..head tilted all the way back, almost upside down..and there…odd.  I felt what appeared to be a second adams apple under my real adams apple?  What the.., I thought to myself.  So I got up and went to the bathroom..saw nothing…leaned my head back a little and swallowed and THERE…is that normal?  So I began checking everyone else out and realized it was just me.  This got me a little nervous.  With recent events of becoming Type II diabetic, my dad having a stint placed in the same artery he had bypassed just a few years ago…me wondering what’s going on with getting old etc etc.  I just don’t go to doctors.  I’ve yet to find one I like..they are all nice and such, but none of them have felt right to me yet, so I just don’t go unless I “MUST” go.

So I went.  I said – “Hey, so I got this lump in my throat I want checked out, and while we’re at it – I’d like to look into my heart and make sure I don’t have any issues since there is a known family history and also, I’d like to go see an endocrinologist for my diabetes because I don’t think the insulin and pills you have me on make any difference”.

Doctor says “hrm, yeah – we need to have that mass looked at – I’ll schedule an ultrasound to see what it is and we’ll go from there”.  As for the heart thing, just eat right and exercise and you’ll be find.  There really isn’t any probe kinda thing or test we can do that will tell me if your heart is OK.  And as for your request of then Endo..Yeah, she is a really good endocrinologist but you don’t need one of those – we’re doing just fine with the regiment we’ve got so don’t worry about that”.

My response “uh, ok.”  I was stunned – it’s like he heard none of my concerns, I go back and have a bloodtest and get sent on my way.  Confused as I could be.

So I get the ultrasound – results come back that basically show a growth/mass on my Thyroid gland.  Doctor has a nurse call me on or around August 7th, the results basically say, yep..something there – we need a biopsy to see if it’s cancerous or not.  Earliest we can get you in to St Johns is September 12th.  I’m thinking..a month away?  Yep…well, if that’s how these things go..then OK.  My wife gets the message and flips out!  Calls the doctor back and demands they find another location, they hem haw around and so she starts calling other hospitals getting information and finally the doctor calls back and he has found a surgeon to see me that week to do a biopsy or at least a consult.

Dr Z.  So I go to this surgeon…very calm cool dude.  He looks at me, feels around for a few seconds and tells me “yeah, you don’t need a biopsy, that just needs to come out.  Why waste time sticking you with needles when this mass is growing and needs to come out whether it’s cancer or not?”  I was like..hrm, yeah..that makes more sense to me.  And he is ready when ever I am.

Wednesday August 29th, 2012.  My first day of surgery ever in my entire life – never spent the night in a hospital other than waiting for shit to happen..no real major broken bones that required me to stay…this is it.  So then after this day I will know if I have cancer or not.  So yeah..that’s my story…and that’s why I have been quiet, not around much and a general pain in the ass lately.

I got a lot on my mind.  Life doesn’t stop.  I think back to all my friends and family and general passer by’s that I’ve met with Cancer and it just floors me at the power it takes to step forward one day at a time.  The waiting is harder than anything…I’m sure the drugs and surgeries aren’t fun either…I can’t even imagine.  But I’ve seen a glimpse into that window, and now I wait.